FtM are so beautiful (◕‿◕✿)
receding hairlines (◕‿◕✿)
arse crack hair (◕‿◕✿)
neverending appetites (◕‿◕✿)
under-binder sweat (◕‿◕✿)
crippling dysphoria (◕‿◕✿)
i think i now pass well enough so that if people see me being referred to as “she” they’re all like wtf. in my case, a doctor’s letter using the wrong pronouns. the guy who saw it thought it was strange and said he figured it was a silly mistake on their part lmao
yay for not having to out myself
3 months on T
that meto blog makes me really happy omg
too bad i’m still really early into physical transition hrggrhrrghr
wow the appointment at the GIC i was meant to have today got cancelled because the doctor is off sick
yet i am more annoyed at train fare having gone to waste than having to use gel for probably another month
hahahahahahaha affording things
most times i come on to this account i take one look at my dash and it’s like SIGH. but i come here anyway because i like to see how certain people are doing. and sometimes there is an actual USEFUL post regarding transition and whatnot. and sometimes, said useful posts actually make me feel good about myself. like that one i just reblogged, the guy said about being able to go swimming for the first time in 7 years, i was like woah man. that’s so awesome i can’t wait to have things like that happen to me.
i’ve been on T for 72 days now, and in a week i’m getting switched from gel to shots. things are happening. i sound completely male. i feel less insecure in places with mostly dudes. i have a single goddamn chest hair.
idk i think the point of this post is OPTIMISM!!! and i am glad i am actually in physical transition now what a wow
I wanted to compile a short list of the things that I wish someone had told me prior to top surgery, whether they related to the physical or emotional furor surrounding the event, seen as both are so important. Some of these are a tad embarrasing, but if your pre op yourself, the embarrasing ones are probably the ones you’ll benefit most from knowing! Hope this helps:
1. Boob guilt;
as I not so subtly like to call it. In the days before I went in for surgery, my excitement was mingled with guilt. It was strange as I felt no sense of cohession or comfort with these lumps of flesh that had oh-so-rudely developed against my will on my body - but that was it, they were still part of MY body and therefore by default, part of me. I felt like my body didnt know I was about to willingly go off to have it altered. That’s not to say I wasn’t angry with it for not being right in the first place, but it still felt strange as I sat pondering it all the night before I went into hospital.
2. Laxative please and pronto!
Seriously, this is the embarrasing bit I referred to earlier. I made the mistake of not requesting a laxative from the nurse until I had already been in hospital for 3 days, the only time I had morphine was on the 4th day. Not because of pain in my chest, but pain in my stomach. Ask for laxatives as soon as you can or prepare for some major discomfort relating to your ‘movements’
3. Not depressed, just sad.
I am now at a point were I can do more that I ever could before. Yesterday I went swimming for the first time in 7 years (since I was 13), I now go running every night and have been lifting weights three times a week. I honestly have never felt better about my body, but there has been sadness. It wasn’t until I could do all these things that I realise just how unpleasant and miserable my adoloscence was and the realisation has made me feel quite sad for that boy who was just a shadow of who I am now.
These are the three major things I really wish I had known to expect. If your feelings are all over the place around the time of your surgery and afterwards, don’t worry about it, its normal. Just role with the punches and keep firmly fixed in your mind that image of swimming in public without your shirt on. As I said, I did it for the first time yesterday and I fear I’m not articulate enough to put into words how incredible an experience it really was.
Sorry for rambling on.
if given the choice between being free of anxiety but still being trans, or being cis but still having anxiety i don’t know which i’d pick.
why the fuck did i have to get both of them and why is everything almost impossible whilst having them.
i saw that “how much have you been policed by the trans community” thing today and made a better thing